Name: The Psychology Group Fort Lauderdale
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By: Dr. Dennis London

In my last blog, you learned Janet identified a core belief related to failure and unworthiness. For her, this core belief formed over time as a result of her parents’ pressure to always do well, she was raised in an affluent environment surrounded by successful individuals and role models, and she was a competitive dancer.

As a result of these core beliefs, Janet developed an intermediate rule as a kind of internal coping mechanism. Her intermediate rule sounded like, “If I do better than others, then I’m not unworthy or a failure.” This was supposed to be motivating for Janet, to help her avoid the pain associated with being a failure.

If Janet is consistently motivated to do better than others–and is reminded of this by her automatic thoughts–then surely she will do well and always be a success, right? Not exactly.

It’s not possible for Janet to always perform at her best. Some days she may be sick and not have enough physical energy. Some days she may be overwhelmed with other stressors, requiring her to devote internal resources elsewhere. There are many reasons why Janet might not always be able to do her best in various situations. Human performance is influenced by a complex interplay of internal and external factors, and these factors can sometimes hinder our ability to perform at our peak.

Here are a few reasons why we might struggle to do our best:

Lack of Resources: Sometimes, we might not have access to the necessary resources, such as time, information, tools, or support, that are crucial for performing at our best.
Physical and Mental Health: If we are feeling unwell, fatigued, stressed, or dealing with mental health challenges, our ability to perform at our best can be compromised.
Environmental Factors: Distractions, noise, discomfort, and other environmental factors can make it difficult to concentrate and give our best effort.
Lack of Motivation: Without a sense of purpose or a strong reason to put in our best effort, we might become disengaged or apathetic.
Perfectionism: Striving for perfection can actually hinder performance. The fear of making mistakes or not meeting impossibly high standards can lead to anxiety and paralysis, preventing us from doing our best.
Task Complexity: Some tasks are inherently complex and challenging, requiring a high level of expertise or experience. In such cases, even our best effort might not yield the desired outcome due to the nature of the task itself.
Time Constraints: Tight deadlines and time pressure can hinder our ability to thoroughly prepare or execute tasks, leading to suboptimal performance.
Lack of Experience: Mastery often requires time and practice.
External Pressures: The fear of judgment or the desire to meet others’ expectations might cause us to underperform.
Personal Issues: Family problems, relationship challenges, financial stress, or personal crises can divert our attention and emotional energy away from the task at hand.
Overwhelm: Having too many tasks or responsibilities at once can lead to overwhelm, reducing our ability to allocate focused effort to each task.
Cognitive Load: Information overload or cognitive overload can make it difficult for us to process and retain information, leading to decreased performance.

Instead of striving for perfection, it’s often more productive to focus on continuous improvement, self-compassion, and understanding the factors that contribute to our performance. By addressing these factors and making adjustments where possible, we can work towards consistently performing at our best in a more sustainable way.

If it’s not always possible to do our best, why would these intermediate rules and automatic thoughts exist that pressure someone like Janet to be so perfect?

The mind is just an overly helpful friend

The brain is just doing its best to try and keep you safe, which is why it produces these automatic thoughts. The problem is, these thoughts cause us to have a distorted perception or view of our world. And then imagine having these thoughts repeated over and over; although the brian is producing them to try and motivate you to achieve some ideal, that ideal is often unrealistic or unattainable.

If it’s never even possible for us to attain some unrealistic level, then we’re going to end up feeling pretty bad about ourselves. This in turn can lead to chronic feelings of low self-esteem and ironically reinforce this core belief “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m a failure.” The brain will then view everyday situations through this lens of “I’m a failure.”

If you see an instagram post of someone with something you don’t have, then it might confirm this fear of being a failure. To avoid that, based on this rule, if you do better than others you’re not a failure, you might experience thoughts in the moment such as,

“I can do better than this, I can achieve more, etc.”

This might sound great; who doesn’t want more nice stuff or to be more successful? The problem is, getting more things or success will never satisfy the brain. It will always want more. This is one way someone who “has it all” might experience feelings of sadness, depression, inadequacy, inferiority, on a daily basis.

10 ways to begin to change your core beliefs

Changing core beliefs is a challenging and transformative process that involves reevaluating deeply ingrained perspectives, attitudes, and assumptions that shape your understanding of yourself and the world.

Although it takes time to change core beliefs, it is possible. These kinds of thoughts are reinforced and ingrained over the years of the same neural networks in the brain firing with each of these thoughts. It will take time to create new thoughts and form new neural networks. With practice and reinforcement, these networks can replace the old ones.

Here are some steps you can take:

Self-Awareness: The first step is recognizing your current core beliefs. Reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in various situations. Identify the beliefs that underlie these responses. Journaling, therapy, and self-reflection can help you gain insights into your core beliefs.
Questioning and Challenging: Examine your core beliefs critically. Ask yourself if they are based on facts or assumptions. Are there alternative viewpoints that could be equally valid? Engage in open and honest self-dialogue to challenge the validity of your beliefs.
Seeking Contradictory Evidence: Actively look for evidence that contradicts your core beliefs. This helps to weaken the hold these beliefs have on your mindset. Consider seeking out different perspectives, reading diverse opinions, or engaging in conversations with people who hold opposing views.
Cognitive Restructuring: This technique involves replacing negative or limiting beliefs with more constructive and empowering ones. When you catch yourself thinking in alignment with your old core belief, consciously reframe it into a new, positive belief. Over time, this can help reinforce the new belief and weaken the old one.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you become more aware of your thought patterns and beliefs. This awareness gives you the opportunity to observe your beliefs without judgment and consider alternative perspectives.
Positive Affirmations: Regularly repeating positive affirmations that counter your old core beliefs can gradually reshape your mindset. Make sure the affirmations are believable and resonate with you personally.
Behavioral Change: Changing your actions can also contribute to changing core beliefs. When you consistently act in ways that challenge your old beliefs, you begin to accumulate evidence that supports new perspectives. Also, research has demonstrated positive psychological and neurological benefits from high power posing. Here are some examples of how to use power posing to boost your confidence.
Personal Growth and Education: Engage in activities that promote personal growth, such as attending workshops, reading self-help books, or taking online courses. Exposure to new ideas and perspectives can encourage shifts in core beliefs.
Patience and Persistence: Changing core beliefs is not an overnight process. It requires time, effort, and patience. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the progress you make along the way.
Therapy and Counseling: Professional therapists and counselors are skilled in guiding you through the process of changing core beliefs. They can provide support, insights, and techniques tailored to your specific needs.

Remember that changing core beliefs is a gradual process, and setbacks are normal. Be persistent and gentle with yourself as you work toward creating a more positive and empowering mindset. It’s important to note that seeking professional guidance, especially from therapists or counselors, can greatly support you in this journey of transformation.

One breakthrough moment for Janet in her journey was when she started volunteering at a local shelter. She had always wanted to help animals, but her belief that she was not worthy of doing so had held her back. Through her volunteer work, Janet discovered that her actions could make a positive impact on others, and that she had value to offer the world. This experience helped Janet challenge her core belief and develop a more positive and self-affirming mindset.

Even by the end of therapy, Janet still experienced moments when her old belief popped up, but she was able to use the tools she learned in therapy to recognize and challenge them. She also made new friends and became more confident in her job, all because she learned to believe in her own worth and abilities.