Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
By Dr. Sarah Gaumer
People have hundreds and thousands of thoughts a day. Small flickers of wants, needs, images, and words that rush by within milliseconds. Many (perhaps most) go unnoticed and slip by without incident.
Others are given more importance and are consciously attended to. Some thoughts are painful or alarming, and attempts are made to avoid them. However, how much power do we actually have over our thoughts? Can we control them, or even get rid of them?
Can I control my thoughts?
This is a natural question that people tend to ask, and one they may initially have different answers to. Some people may be quick to answer, “Well of course I can control my thoughts.” Before you pass judgment, let me walk you through a demonstration.
Think of a pink elephant.
Is it hot pink, light pink? Different shades of pink? Maybe it’s large, or small. How long is its trunk? Does it have a tail? Is the elephant young or old? Maybe the elephant has great, big tusks. Give your pink elephant as many details as possible. Keep picturing it, holding it in your mind.
Now, stop thinking about the pink elephant. For the next 30 seconds, do not think of the pink elephant. Stop reading this article and sit quietly without any distractions for the next 30 seconds. Whatever you do, do not think of the pink elephant.
….30 seconds later….
How did it go? How did you try to get rid of the image of the pink elephant? How long did it take for the image of the pink elephant to return? I’m guessing it didn’t take long for the pink elephant to return, interrupting your attempts to avoid it.
It may feel silly or even frustrating as you probably don’t often think about pink elephants. It should seem easy to not think of the pink elephant. Yet, this is a common thought experiment that is conducted to demonstrate we don’t have as much control over our thoughts as we’d like to imagine.
This experiment further demonstrates what it feels like to have intrusive thoughts that continuously appear outside of our control. Except, instead of an image of a pink elephant that is relatively non-threatening, true intrusive thoughts take on unpleasant and more distressing forms.
Some thoughts are intentional, some are not.
You may still be conflicted whether or not you can control your thoughts. After all, you are consciously choosing to read this. You decided to sit in front of your computer or do a search on your phone.
Later, you probably will think about what to eat for dinner, choose what route to take home from work, decide to read a book before bed, or take a shower.
We can deliberately plan, organize, react, create, and brainstorm things intentionally when needed. But the majority of the time, the mind is mostly a continuous and powerful stream of consciousness. You can’t control what comes up and down the river of thoughts. The thoughts that you have the least control over are the ones that lie in between the intentional and deliberate ones.
For example, you might notice a random and unrelated thought pop up while planning your daily activities. You didn’t intentionally choose to think the random thought – your mind just floated it down the river.
Maybe your mind has even strayed unknowingly or you noticed unrelated thoughts pop up while reading this.
Can I get rid of “bad” thoughts?
So, let’s return to the question at hand. Can we control or get rid of unwanted thoughts?
It is human nature to assign thoughts as either “good” or “bad,” “positive” or “negative.”
Many people only wish to have good thoughts and attempt to avoid ones that are upsetting, distressing, or even graphic.
The reality is it would be nice to have absolute control over our thoughts but, as was just demonstrated, we actually have a small amount of control over them.
The more someone tries to control or get rid of their thoughts, ironically the more likely those thoughts will appear.
Think of a beach ball floating in the water. If you push it down, it will pop back up. If you push it down and hold it there, it is only so long before you grow tired or something else distracts you before it pops back up again.
Thoughts are like the beach ball. The more you try to get rid of them, the more they will appear. The harder we push them away, the harder they will return.
Consider this question: What would happen if we could get rid of all distressing thoughts?
If we lived in a world where we only thought “positive” and “good” thoughts all the time, it would be more difficult to recognize important values in life.
Without upsetting thoughts, we might not notice when we’re in danger, or when a boundary has been crossed. And, we wouldn’t have cognitions to signal that we lost something or someone very important to us. Even the intrusive and unpleasant thoughts serve a purpose.
Know this, you are not the content of your thoughts as you can’t control them and they don’t reflect your character.
Unpleasant thoughts are often the brain’s bizarre attempt at protection and keeping you safe from acting against your true values. Seems counterintuitive, but the brain is primed for survival and safety, not for accuracy.
While thoughts can be an important guide, you are not your thoughts. Rather, you are the one that observes thoughts and can ultimately decide if you want to take advice from them.
Thoughts don’t mean anything unless we give meaning to them. Even when uncomfortable, thoughts are harmless and fleeting neural firings of the mind.
So, in the end, we truly have little control over our thoughts and they don’t always reflect what we value or want in life. The only thing that is within our control and that reflects our values are our behaviors and chosen reactions.
Again, we might not be able to control our mind’s neural firings, but we can move our arms and our legs and choose actions that are consistent with our values.
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